Giving back

This weekend, to sum it up in one word, was productive.

Our to-do list has gotten much shorter. Brian and my father in law hung all of our blinds so we are now able to be nudists if we chose. Hooray.

We finally organized the tornado that was our home office paperwork.

Hung our Christmas Garland.

Made homemade pizza and quesadillas.

Finished buying and wrapping all of our Christmas gifts.

And even made some time to catch up with some of our favorite people.

On Sunday, as I was picking up the last item on our list for Christmas, I noticed a man in front of me at the checkout line. He only had two items: toothpaste and deodorant. He was a middle aged black man with two backpacks – covered doodles and the word fly. I noticed the timid-ness in his voice and the slow in his speech. My heart sank. I began, as I always do, to overanalyze the man in front of me. What happened in his life to make him struggle, what did he do to deserve homelessness on the holidays?

I am not usually so into Christmas but this year I am enjoying it more than ever – with all of the blessings this past year offered, marriage and a new home, food in our bellies whenever we’re hungry, steaks in the freezer, new furniture and TVs. We are so blessed.

This man made me come to the harsh realization that a.) no matter what we have today, it can all be gone tomorrow and b.) we, as a family, are not doing enough to help our community. With all we have, what impact are we making on others’ lives?

As I began to check out the once sweet natured cashier became snappy and short with me. I could tell she thought my looks at him were of judgment, this woman didn’t know the impact the brief encounter had made on me. She looked at me, then at my ring and the 20 I handed her as if I had looked down upon this man and she was defending him. She didn’t realize the only person being judged there was me.

As I took my change and my bag from the woman, I noticed the man was struggling to get his cart and bags through the door – I held the door for him and he whispered, “Thank you, Ma’am, Merry Christmas”. How is it that someone with so little is doing more to help others than I am? This man helped me more than he will ever know.

As I drove away my thoughts raced… should I have given him money? Bought him lunch? Would he still be there if I turned around? Should I have paid for his two items? Would I have insulted him if I did? Would I be condoning someone who had done this to themselves if I did?

I don’t know about you, but my mind is my own worst enemy. By the time I pulled into the driveway tears were falling, I walked in, dropped off the groceries in the kitchen, found my husband and hugged him tight. That man could have been either of us.

I made the decision at that moment to find a way to give back. And I will. Stay tuned.