Dear Self

Dear Mom-version-of-me, 

Let's chat, shall we. 

First, I don't JUST want to be a mom. I want to also be a wife, a friend, a sister. I want to make sure that I don't let motherhood consume me so much so that I forget who I was before her, but to just become a better version of who I was. 

I want my daughter to know that our marriage is a priority too, so that one day she will grow up and have a marriage that is strong and nurtured. That she is the center of her Daddy and I's world, but that our marriage also takes work; and just as I will have girl time with her, and Daddy will share one on one time with her, Daddy and Mommy will need that also. I want her to know that we are united in our decisions about her future, that we can't be played against one another (let's admit it, we've all tried it)... but that when one says no, the other will too. I want to discuss important decisions with her - like where she will go to college, and who she chooses to be friends with... and make sure that she knows we are here to help and to guide her in a direction for success. I want her to feel that she has a voice, that her opinions are valued and heard. 

I never want to be at a point that friends without kids are uncomfortable having a conversation with me and must tell stories of their pets to relate. I've been there; it's not a good time. I want to teach my daughter to be a good friend. I want her to know that just because someone else doesn't like her friend, doesn't mean she shouldn't. That talking about friends behind their backs isn't nice and to be strong in her decision to walk away from friends who no longer bring goodness to her life. I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends at times. The laughter and joy that a good group of girlfriends can bring you is irreplaceable. I want my daughter to know that joy and to cherish it. 

I want to teach her to be charitable, that helping others in need is what God asks of us. That we are fortunate to have the lifestyle we do, and to not take that for granted. I want her to learn by example to treat everyone equally - that just because they do not have the best shoes, or the most money... because they look different, or talk slowly... because they cannot walk or have to use their hands to communicate - they are made in the image of God just as we are. They are beautiful and have a story to tell. I want her to learn patience - that learning may be frustrating, but it's worth it. Education is a priority and not an option. 

I want her to love her body, I want to make sure she doesn't hear Mommy saying that she looks fat today, or that someone else isn't in the best shape. I don't want to teach her body shame. I want her to know that who she is, that is what's beautiful. That life is a balance of being healthy and having cake for dinner. I don't want her to live by comparison of who she wishes she looked like. I want her to look in the mirror and thank god for working legs, and seeing eyes... not brown eyes she wishes were blue. Confidence. I want her to be confident. 

I want her to know that anything the boys can do, she can do - well besides pee standing up without it running down her leg. Don't be defined by your gender. I want her to know that she can talk football with the boys and golf with Daddy... and afterwards we can get pedicures and new outfits.

I want my daughter to put family first, and to know that when she is 25 and married - with a baby on the way - that I will understand we are no longer her first family. I will try to be a guide for her in motherhood and marriage but let her have her wings to fly. I will love her husband because she loves him. I will have faith that she has chosen someone who is loving, and kind... respectful and deserving of our baby girl. I will trust that her Daddy has set an example of the kind of man she wants to have in her life, and for said man to know that Daddy is always a call away if she is ever heartbroken.. And that Mommy is protective.

I want her to have a daddy-daughter bond that I feel I missed out on in life. I want her to see in him everything that I do... goodness, compassion and strength. I want her to put him first until she finds a husband of her own, and then only an arm's reach away.

I want her to know that it's okay to cry. The world paints an ugly picture of women who are "crazy" because they're emotional. I want my daughter to feel safe in her tears. that she is strong even when she feels weak. That she is not wrong for feeling everything so deeply. I want her to know mommy will always cry with her. 

I want her to be kind to animals. To know the joy of puppy kisses and the love of a shelter dog. I want her to be strong in her morals... to know right from wrong and not be afraid to stand up for it. I hope to be the example of what is right so that she knows the difference. 

I want her to know that Daddy and I prayed for her even before she was born. That she is our gift from God and every hardship we will face... the teenage years, the boyfriends and the back talk - will all be worth it. The she will be the best adventure we've taken together. 

I want my daughter to know that through it all, she is so loved.
                           
                           Love,
                           The pre-mommy-me