Belief

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: 

“Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.” 

- Útmutató a Léleknek
#Mother Mother Earth News

17

How far along: 17 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 9 lb. 

Maternity clothes: All bottoms are maternity, still sneaking in a few non maternity dresses and tops! Same here. 

Baby related purchases: No purchases yet!  

Baby Gifts: A co-worker gifted me with two little outfits and my sister handed down a ton more stuff, most excitedly baby carriers… a bajorn, ergo and some wraps!   

Sleep: Still having crazy dreams… last night was a real doozie.  

Best moment this week: Spending some time with my nephews Joseph and Anthony. Not really baby related but really my best moment.  

Worst moment this week: Sciatica flare ups…  

Miss anything: Nothing too much.

Movement: I’ve got nothing… STILL

Cravings: Recently it’s been Chinese and indian style foods. All the ethnic things!  

Looking forward to: Sonogram – 12 October!

Symptoms: Sciatica is still lingering around.  

16

How far along: 16 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 9 lb. 

Maternity clothes: All bottoms are maternity, still sneaking in a few non maternity dresses and tops! 

Baby related purchases: We are trying to hold off buying until after the shower. We have SO many hand me downs already. 

Baby Gifts: Aunt Danielle and the twins got Ellie a stuffed pony from their vacation in Chincoteaque and a onesie that said "My Aunt is my BFF". Love both!   

Sleep: Doing okay as long as my crazy dreams stay at bay! 

Best moment this week: Scheduling our 20 week ultrasound for our anniversary! Let the countdown begin. And having my 16 week appointment. The Mid-Wife is happy with my weight and said the baby sounded great! 

Worst moment this week: My nephew Joseph had a bumpy week with treatment, that was hard to not be able to see him because I am pregnant and cannot be around him for 48 hours. 

Miss anything: I think I've finally come to terms with not being able to have wine and beer. but I do miss runny eggs to dip toast in. 

Movement: I've got nothing. 

Cravings: Still loving all the norms. I get cravings randomly for things I see on T.V. or think of but nothing that's dire. 

Looking forward to: Sonogram - 12 October!

Symptoms: Just expanding! Other than that feeling pretty back to my normal self!

Daddy's last birthday before baby!

Baby's first opener!

 

15

How far along: 15 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 9 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Hit the mall with Brian on Friday. He encouraged me to get 4 pairs of pants, two pairs of leggings and two tops from Motherhood Maternity. What a difference having something to support your belly instead of restricting it makes!!

Baby related purchases: We picked up our furniture on Friday as well and started registering! 

Baby Gifts: My sister gave her a life vest for her first summer and a co-worker Jenn bought her the sweetest shoes with Navy bows on them. Obsessed. They're so cute.  

Sleep: Slowly cathing back up on the lack of sleep from last weekend. Feeling much better!

Best moment this week: Spending the weekend with my best girl, her family and my hubby in PA! Babies first road trip into Philly. Is was so sweet to see her with a bump. Last time she still had abs! (she's still not too far from them!)

Worst moment this week: I can't think of anything. This week was a win. 

Miss anything: This weekend I think Nikki and I were both slightly envious of those drinking red wine. I know I can have one glass if I want, but I just haven't felt brave enough yet. 

Movement: Nada

Cravings: Sausage egg and cheese McGriddle (I know. TERRIBLE for me, but SOOOO yummy). Bagels and cream cheese, milk... Still on my carb and dairy kick!

Queasy or sick: Sometimes if I don't eat when I am hungry I get queasy and only a few times things haven't set with me. but not too bad!

Looking forward to: Sonogram - 12 October!

Symptoms: Just expanding! Other than that feeling pretty back to my normal self!

14

How far along: 14 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 8 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Breaking out hand-me-down clothes and starting to shop

Baby related purchases: Nothing new

Baby Gifts: A onesie from Daddy's trip to New Orleans and a sweet knitted outfit from Don 

Sleep: This weekend was a loss for sleep, Brian being gone = no sleep for this momma!

Best moment this week: Having my hubby home! 

Worst moment this week: Him having been gone. 

Miss anything: Clothes. Sushi. 

Movement: Nada

Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, milk, pizza. Nothing has changed. Give me the carbs and dairy! Chicken pot pie too!

Queasy or sick: I was sick for the first time this pregnancy last night after eating peach cobbler, not sure it set with me. 

Looking forward to: Sonogram!!!

Symptoms: Just expanding! Other than that feeling pretty back to my normal self!

13

How far along: 13 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 7 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Making what's left of my flowy and lose fitting clothes work

Baby related purchases: Nothing new!

Baby Gifts: My in-laws got Ellie a onesie from their vacation to Chincoteaque 

Sleep: Sleeping okay. Not getting up as much to use the bathroom!!

Best moment this week: Just enjoying being out of the first trimester and the energy!!

Worst moment this week: Nada!

Miss anything: My wardrobe 

Movement: Nada

Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, milk, pizza. Nothing has changed. Give me the carbs and dairy! Same still!

Queasy or sick: No sickness. Feeling VERY blessed. 

Looking forward to: Our 20 week sonogram to see our baby girl!

Symptoms: Just expanding! Other than that feeling pretty back to my normal self!

12

How far along: 12 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 6 lb. 

Maternity clothes: In need. Will be shopping this weekend for more bump comfy clothes

Baby related purchases: Nothing new

Baby Gifts: My AMAZING mother in law purchased our entire bedroom furniture set for baby girl.     

Sleep: Starting to come around!! Finally having more energy this week!!

Best moment this week: Nikki announcing her pregnancy so everyone can know about us being preggo together 

Worst moment this week: Nothing so far!

Miss anything: Beer... the summer is a hard time to be beerless. 

Movement: Nada

Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, milk, pizza. Nothing has changed. Give me the carbs and dairy!

Queasy or sick: No sickness. Feeling VERY blessed. 

Looking forward to: Our 20 week sonogram to see our baby girl!

Symptoms: Exhaustion is lightening up. Started having hip pain, doctor diagnosed me with sciatic nerve pain. and headaches every now and again. Lucky I can keep both at bay right now.

Dear Self

Dear Mom-version-of-me, 

Let's chat, shall we. 

First, I don't JUST want to be a mom. I want to also be a wife, a friend, a sister. I want to make sure that I don't let motherhood consume me so much so that I forget who I was before her, but to just become a better version of who I was. 

I want my daughter to know that our marriage is a priority too, so that one day she will grow up and have a marriage that is strong and nurtured. That she is the center of her Daddy and I's world, but that our marriage also takes work; and just as I will have girl time with her, and Daddy will share one on one time with her, Daddy and Mommy will need that also. I want her to know that we are united in our decisions about her future, that we can't be played against one another (let's admit it, we've all tried it)... but that when one says no, the other will too. I want to discuss important decisions with her - like where she will go to college, and who she chooses to be friends with... and make sure that she knows we are here to help and to guide her in a direction for success. I want her to feel that she has a voice, that her opinions are valued and heard. 

I never want to be at a point that friends without kids are uncomfortable having a conversation with me and must tell stories of their pets to relate. I've been there; it's not a good time. I want to teach my daughter to be a good friend. I want her to know that just because someone else doesn't like her friend, doesn't mean she shouldn't. That talking about friends behind their backs isn't nice and to be strong in her decision to walk away from friends who no longer bring goodness to her life. I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends at times. The laughter and joy that a good group of girlfriends can bring you is irreplaceable. I want my daughter to know that joy and to cherish it. 

I want to teach her to be charitable, that helping others in need is what God asks of us. That we are fortunate to have the lifestyle we do, and to not take that for granted. I want her to learn by example to treat everyone equally - that just because they do not have the best shoes, or the most money... because they look different, or talk slowly... because they cannot walk or have to use their hands to communicate - they are made in the image of God just as we are. They are beautiful and have a story to tell. I want her to learn patience - that learning may be frustrating, but it's worth it. Education is a priority and not an option. 

I want her to love her body, I want to make sure she doesn't hear Mommy saying that she looks fat today, or that someone else isn't in the best shape. I don't want to teach her body shame. I want her to know that who she is, that is what's beautiful. That life is a balance of being healthy and having cake for dinner. I don't want her to live by comparison of who she wishes she looked like. I want her to look in the mirror and thank god for working legs, and seeing eyes... not brown eyes she wishes were blue. Confidence. I want her to be confident. 

I want her to know that anything the boys can do, she can do - well besides pee standing up without it running down her leg. Don't be defined by your gender. I want her to know that she can talk football with the boys and golf with Daddy... and afterwards we can get pedicures and new outfits.

I want my daughter to put family first, and to know that when she is 25 and married - with a baby on the way - that I will understand we are no longer her first family. I will try to be a guide for her in motherhood and marriage but let her have her wings to fly. I will love her husband because she loves him. I will have faith that she has chosen someone who is loving, and kind... respectful and deserving of our baby girl. I will trust that her Daddy has set an example of the kind of man she wants to have in her life, and for said man to know that Daddy is always a call away if she is ever heartbroken.. And that Mommy is protective.

I want her to have a daddy-daughter bond that I feel I missed out on in life. I want her to see in him everything that I do... goodness, compassion and strength. I want her to put him first until she finds a husband of her own, and then only an arm's reach away.

I want her to know that it's okay to cry. The world paints an ugly picture of women who are "crazy" because they're emotional. I want my daughter to feel safe in her tears. that she is strong even when she feels weak. That she is not wrong for feeling everything so deeply. I want her to know mommy will always cry with her. 

I want her to be kind to animals. To know the joy of puppy kisses and the love of a shelter dog. I want her to be strong in her morals... to know right from wrong and not be afraid to stand up for it. I hope to be the example of what is right so that she knows the difference. 

I want her to know that Daddy and I prayed for her even before she was born. That she is our gift from God and every hardship we will face... the teenage years, the boyfriends and the back talk - will all be worth it. The she will be the best adventure we've taken together. 

I want my daughter to know that through it all, she is so loved.
                           
                           Love,
                           The pre-mommy-me

11

How far along: 11 weeks

Gender: GIRL!

Weight gain: 6 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Not yet but pants are getting TIGHT, shirts must be flowy.

Baby related purchases: Two little baby girl outfits

Baby Gifts: My sister handed down hundreds of dollars in little girl goodies. clothes, boppies, bouncers, bumbos! So grateful.     

Sleep: Sleeping through the night now, but still exhausted. Seems to be letting up slowly.

Best moment this week: Finding out we are having a GIRL

Worst moment this week: Nothing so far!

Miss anything: My energy

Movement: Nada

Cravings: Bagels and cream cheese, milk, pizza.   

Queasy or sick: No sickness. Feeling VERY blessed. 

Looking forward to: Our 20 week sonogram to see our baby girl!

Symptoms: Exhaustion. and more exhaustion

It's a....

If anyone had asked me about kids, ever... you would've heard me say "I am only making a boy". I was CERTAIN we were destined to have a little blonde haired, green eyed boy - who looks just like his daddy, plays soccer and who I will dance with at his wedding. 

Well yesterday, all of that changed. There is a saying "you made plans and God laughed.". This couldn't be any more true. Every fiber in my body told me I was having a boy, every wives tale and symptom. We were having a baby boy.

Yesterday at my 12 week appointment, our Mid-wife Brooke handed us an envelope with the gender of our baby inside. Once our appointment was over - we all but sprinted to the car and tore it open. 

The first word was Baby (which both Brian and I thought B was for Boy) and following that was girl. We both looked at it, Brian asked "Does that say girl?" and began to laugh and laugh... meanwhile I threw my head in my hands to weep. Not out of sadness but sheer SHOCK. A girl?! A wedding to pay for, boys she will date, and so.many.clothes. Brian hugged me, still laughing, and asked why I was crying. I replied "I was so confused". The car ride back to work was one of laughter, tears and "are you as shocked as I am?" from each of us... always followed with a yes. 

My whole brain was forced to shift gears in a matter of seconds. I went from dirt, tractors and soccer balls - to - barbies, shoes and hair bows. What will I do with a little girl? I hardly do my own hair and makeup. I don't love shopping and most of my girlfriends are more into football than ballet. Just how I like them. 

For the last 24 hours I keep thinking of Brian walking our little girl down the aisle, and dancing with her at her wedding - us loading up her car for college and Brian crying because his little girl is leaving. 

This is my new train of thought. How lucky is this little girl to have a man like Brian to model her future husband off of? She will undoubtedly be the center of his whole world. It's a hard pill to swallow that I am no longer going to be his favorite girl (Anchor running a close second). I can see why God wanted this for us... every little girl deserves a dad who loves as hard as hers does, who gives respect and humor at all the right times and who is big enough to scare any bone head boy who thinks of breaking our girls heart. 

I now picture a girl who can talk football with the boys, play sports and break hearts. A little sassy like her momma and sweet like her daddy. This is who our Elliot will be.

10

How far along: 10 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 5 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Certain pants require belly bands but not them all.

Baby related purchases: Nothing this week. 

Baby Gifts: Belly week and baby month stickers from our sweet friend Erin.     

Sleep: Sleeping through the night now, but still exhausted.  

Best moment this week: Finding out my friend Rebecca is having a boy, we go to find out on Monday!! And family time with Brian's Mom's side in Cambridge. Always love seeing them!

Worst moment this week: Just being frustrated with being exhausted. I want my energy back. 

Miss anything: My energy. 

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Cereal. It's all I eat/want.   

Queasy or sick: Just the tiredness, which I am very grateful for. 

Looking forward to: Same - Having my blood drawn on the 3rd and revealing the gender!!     

Symptoms: Exhaustion. and more exhaustion.

9

How far along: 9 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 5 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Clothes aren't comfortable, but no maternity wear yet.

Baby related purchases: Honesty company cleaning supplies - they count, right?

Baby Gifts: A HTTR (Hail to the Redskins) maternity shirt and car seat redskins blanket from Nikki. Just love them both.    

Sleep: Exhausted.. waking up to pee each night around 3 am. 

Best moment this week: Lots of girl time. Nikki was in town this weekend, and visits with Elizabeth and Melissa made for a great week. Having zero energy recently has led to a lack of girl time. I needed it and am glad I mustered up some strength to make time for those girls. They are the best.  

Worst moment this week: My first Endocrinologist appointment. That doctor is not a treat.

Miss anything: Beer, still. 

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Sushi. California rolls. Doctor has postponed my gluten-free lifestyle until further testing (drats ;))  

Queasy or sick: Just the tiredness 

Looking forward to: Same - Having my blood drawn on the 3rd and revealing the gender!!     

Symptoms: Exhaustion. and more exhaustion. 

8

How far along: 8 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 5 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Clothes aren’t comfortable, but no maternity wear yet.

Baby related purchases: Nada

Baby Gifts: More baby hand me downs, and a onesie from my bestie Nikki asking me to be baby Wyman’s god momma.   

Sleep: Exhausted but sleeping well. 

Best moment this week: Our sonogram and seeing a little smudge with a heartbeat. 

Worst moment this week: Being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and hashimoto’s disease 

Miss anything: Beer, still… and sushi. 

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Sushi… California rolls. YUM. Going gluten free on Monday so that will all change soon.   

Queasy or sick: Just the tiredness from the hypo and hasimoto’s

Looking forward to: Having my blood drawn on the 3rd and revealing the gender!!     

Symptoms: Exhaustion… and more exhaustion. Emotional. Sadder about sad things but mostly happy.

7

How far along: 7 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 5 lb. 

Maternity clothes: Clothes aren’t comfortable, but no maternity wear yet.

Baby related purchases: A fetal doppler to listen to baby Beavan’s heartbeat

Baby Gifts: Brian’s sister gave me books she loved when she was pregnant and a few for Brian too, and she bought me a pregnancy journal. My sister also passed down a TON of maternity clothes, a jumper, and some books.  

Sleep: Exhausted but sleeping well. Having to keep the room cooler than usual to avoid hot flashes, 

Best moment this week: Getting our blood test results back. Babies at 6 weeks should have hcg levels between 9,000 and 31,000 and baby Beavan was at 25,742. Future overachiever!  

Worst moment this week: My nephew getting his port and beginning chemo. It just breaks my heart he is going through this. 

Miss anything: Beer, still… and sushi. 

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Cheese…. Currently obsessed with onion bagels, with cream cheese, bacon and a fried egg. Every day.  

Queasy or sick: I thought I was going to be a sickly pregnant woman after all, starting not feeling well… but it was followed with some green flem and I made an appointment for today – they think I may have an upper respiratory infection.  

Looking forward to: Our ultrasound appointment on the 15th! Can’t wait to see baby B!    

Symptoms: Exhaustion… the occasional queasy stomach. Hoping that’s a bug and is resolved today… stay tuned!

6

How far along: 6 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 3 lb. 

Maternity clothes: The clothes that were tight fitting before pregnancy no longer button. Dresses are the most comfortable thing with the bloat. I keep telling myself my blood cells are multiplying, my uterus has doubled in size and I am retaining water, but for someone who was always weight conscious – it’s hard to not feel uncomfortable. My sister bought me a dress for the winter when I have a bump. 

Baby related purchases: Nothing new. 

Baby Gifts: My sister bought us two onesies and  a few baby toys. 

Sleep: I am exhausted feeling ALL.THE.TIME. I am falling asleep much earlier than usual but once I wake up to pee (around 3 every night) I am having a hard time falling back to sleep. I am also much hotter when I sleep than I am used to. 

Best moment this week: Finding out my bestie, Nikki, is also expecting! Her due date is about 3 weeks later than mine. I am so excited to share this with her. 

Worst moment this week: Not pregnancy related, but hearing my nephew Joseph was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma was the hardest part of this week… year… ever. My emotions are a little higher than usual so I am having a harder time coping with the news. We are praying hard for him to fight this and come out on top!

Miss anything: Beer, still… and sushi. 

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Salad still, and cheese of any kind… cream cheese, pizza with cheese, mac and cheese, cheese steak, cheese on my salad. Fighting the urge to eat those unhealthy items are harder than you’d imagine. And ice cream. I think with the new found hot flashes, ice cream is a welcomed relief. Every night after dinner I am reaching for an ice cream sandwich or heading to get soft serve. 

Queasy or sick: Nothing too bad. If I eat badly, my stomach disagrees but that’s all. Hoping that sticks. 

Looking forward to: Our 1st doctor’s appointment tomorrow!   

Symptoms: Thirst and frequent peeing. Exhaustion. And a few break outs. 

5

How far along: 5 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 1 lb. 

Maternity clothes: The bloat is real, thank god for belly bands when pants are uncomfortable - they are buttonable, just a little tighter than usual. Other than that, same as last month - None yet.  I did order a shirt so that I can use it in all of my weekly photos that will work through the entire pregnancy and a dress from lularoe that has so much give I am sure it will work for the remaining 8 months. May be stocking up on those. 

Baby related purchases: Ordered Palmer's Tummy Butter to start now preventing stretchmarks! 

Baby Gifts: Belly bands and a baby tub from my sister. Father's day cards from myself and the dogs and also Brian's mom. Very sweet.  

Sleep: Sleeping great, but having to get up in the middle of the night to pee - other than that I sleep like a rock. The problem is I never want to get up. I am very tired/exhausted and am yawning as I type this. Sleep is my favorite thing right now.

Best moment this week: Telling our families we are expecting. The best reactions were my sister and his mom. Though I think everyone was a little surprised. Being able to tell family and friends is a great feeling.

Worst moment this week: Aside from sleepy, I am feeling GREAT!

Miss anything: Beer. Had a cookout Saturday and a beer sounded so good.

Movement: Nada.

Cravings: Salad (especially with thousand island dressing) and Cookies. Why it couldn't just be salad? Beats me. 

Queasy or sick: If I don't eat enough healthy foods I can get an uneasy stomach at night, but not too bad or often. 

Looking forward to: Making sure our closest friends know.  

Symptoms: Thirst and frequent peeing. Exhaustion. Minor moodiness. When I feel myself getting irritated and normal things, I feel like I could cry. Only happened twice. Hoping it's a fluke! 

Telling family

The best two reactions:

Having so much love and support really makes this journey that much better. 

Everyone in our families responses were “I thought you were on the 5 year plan”… TRICKED YA. 

Well not really. That was the original plan, but the timing felt right and we just felt ready. So here we are. 

I went to my sisters to tell her and gave her a “BEST AUNT EVER” towel. It took her a few moments to realize what that really meant. Then she hugged me and cried. We told Meredith there was a baby in my belly and she was mesmerized by that. It was sweet. 

We gave Brian’s dad a countdown to Pop-Pop promotion and when Brian’s mom saw it she started screaming and crying. It was hilarious. She is so passionate and emotional about her babies. It just makes my heart melt. I hope to be that kind of mom. 

This pregnancy thing… I’ll tell ya, I am tired to my core. Getting up in the morning is difficult… almost as difficult as staying up during the day. Naps are a regular happening in these parts.

4

How far along: 4 weeks

Gender: Unknown

Weight gain: 0 lb. 

Maternity clothes: None yet.  I did order a shirt so that I can use it in all of my weekly photos that will work through the entire pregnancy and a dress from lularoe that has so much give I am sure it will work for the remaining 8 months. May be stocking up on those. 

Baby related purchases: Ordered a Soy Eco-Friendly candle since my nifty app enlightened me that wall plugs and normal candles are not good to have in the house during pregnancy due to the chemicals they release. The dress and shirt as previously stated. We also bought countdowns that say "XX days until I am promoted to. ____" for Brian's Dad and Sister and My dad to announce the pregnancy to them and a towel for my sister that says "BEST AUNT EVER".

Baby Gifts: Nikki sent us a baby belly book for me to track each trimester. So thoughtful. My sister, who didn't even know yet, handed down a baby food maker. No pressure. 

Sleep: I sleep like a rock. The problem is I never want to get up. I am very tired/exhausted and am yawning as I type this. Sleep is my favorite thing right now.

Best moment this week: Finding out we were expecting! We've known since Sunday and I am sure this could be the best thing of the week and the month!! 

Worst moment this week: 1.) The tiredness.. Ohhhhh, the tiredness. And 2.) not being able to tell everyone yet. I am so excited and eager, I just want to scream it from the rooftops. Well, maybe not the rooftops. heights aren't my thing. 

Miss anything: Beer. Summertime evening beer and lunchmeat.

Movement: Besides the flips my stomach does at the smell of baked beans, nada.

Cravings: Juicy juice.

Queasy or sick: Only thanks to certain smells: cigars, baked beans, and whatever they were cooking in the cafeteria downstairs Monday morning. 

Looking forward to: Telling our families this weekend and July 2nd! First baby appointment! 

Symptoms: Hotter than usual. I am a typically cold person, but the hot flashes have been real. And random. Thirst and frequent peeing. I am constantly thirsty, but I always have to pee. it's a vicious cycle I tell ya. I have NEVER woken in the middle of the night to pee. Three times this week. THREE! A few blemishes on my chest which I am not usually a girl with breakouts. hoping this is temporary. And the previously discusses tiredness. 

Parenthood is happening

Well… I didn’t expect this to happen so quickly, or as easily as it did… BUT 

WE ARE HAVING A BABY

First try (insert husband pumping his fist into the air in victory)

My period is due on June 18th. On Saturday the 13th we went to celebrate Brian’s 10 year H.S. reunion. Old. 

I was not drinking as I knew there was a chance we could be pregnant and until my period came I didn’t see sense in risking it. Towards the end guys started to light up cigars. HELLO AVERSION. I have never felt nausea like this in my LIFE. Ugh. Thinking about it… still.want.to.gag.

So we left and found somewhere with A.C. and no smokers to have a snack with Brian’s cousin Randy and his girlfriend Amanda before heading home. 

We attended church the following morning, the 14th, and on the way home made a stop at CVS. Brian waited in the car while I got “deodorant”. I stuffed the pregnancy tests in my purse so he wouldn’t see. I didn’t want him hovering while I took the test so I could tell him on my own time. 

When we got home and he began to cut the grass I peed in a cup (which is now trash), dipped the stick, and waited… 

I thought “I am still 4 days away from my missed period… it can’t be positive.” I snuck a glance. Nothing. One line. 

2 minutes later, something faint… very faint. Were my eyes playing tricks on me?? Then darker. There was a line! I was pregnant. My husband has super sperm. This just happened. Insert victory music. 

The feelings weren’t what I expected. No tears. No anxiety. Just joy.

I ran out and bought a box of Brian’s favorite cheat food: “Little Debbie – Cosmic Brownies”, taped a note on the front that said “If I am getting fat, so are you” and the test on and gave it to Brian before dinner. 

I told him I had a present for him and pulled the brownies from behind my back. It took him a few seconds to register what he was seeing. He teared up just a tad, gave me a big hug and the sweetest smile… then about a minute later of hugging asked “Can I eat the brownies?!”. 

You read that right folks, my husband’s first words about our baby were about brownies. 

We both laughed. He said he wasn’t shocked at all… and “he knew what he was doing”. We went to Olive Garden to celebrate and already began the “baby name” talk. 

I can’t wait to see the baby and hear the heartbeat on July 2nd!!

Contemplating parenthood

I will post this blog AFTER we conceive and announce a pregnancy, but the thought of not writing down these feelings just didn’t sit right with me. 

Brian and I are trying for a baby. That’s right. Mr. & Mrs. Maybe never, are sure. We’ve been discussing babies since September of last year but decided to wait until after my best friend, Nikki, got married.

And she did… and it was AWESOME. 

We flew to Maine that Thursday and stayed at Village by the Sea in Wells, ME. It was beautiful. I was reunited with my girl and we were off to set up and make things perfect. And they were. 

A few hiccups for the rehearsal… like the groom forgetting his vows at home, fixable… and the runner not being picked up, also fixable… but stressful to a type A bride. Luckily it all worked itself out and come Friday, May 22nd… the weather and everything fell right into place. 

Nikki looked stunning and Andy was smitten which makes for amazing photos. 

It was a truly amazing night and I was sad to leave but knowing she returns in July makes the goodbyes a little easier (though tears, and lots of them, still fell).

Alright… back to the baby train.

So after her wedding we pulled the goalie… and my first ovulation cycle post wedding was set for the week of June 4th. We didn’t “try” too much or put too much pressure on ourselves and in 9 days my period is set to come. 

I know they say when you think you could be, you psych yourself into symptoms… but IF I am… I am certain I experienced my first case of food aversion. Brian and I were making hamburgers this past Sunday (the 7th), I opened a can of Busch’s baked beans... once the can was opened, I could hardly be in the room. I thought they may have gone bad but Brian assured me they were fine and ate them. I went to bed dinnerless. Appetite gone. Aside from that I am a little tired-er than usual… that could also be from my decision to quit drinking diet soda a month ago, or the weather change. Don’t want to 
put all of my eggs in one basket yet – get it? 

I’ve been avoiding alcohol and all things on the “DON’T” list for when you’re pregnant between ovulation and when/if I get my period. Just to be on the safe side. 

I have been taking a prenatal for 4 months; Brian has been taking a daily multivitamin and recently switched from boxer briefs to boxers. 

We’ve also began prepping for a baby by working more with our dogs on keeping them off of furniture and beds so that they won’t be in the baby’s business all the time. Pending a positive pregnancy test, we plan to start getting them familiarized with the scents of a baby. Power. Lotion… and the sounds. Cries. Giggles. Since they are our babies now, I want to make sure they’re ready too. 

It’s fun to talk names and ideas and I think we’ve talked most things out thoroughly. Seeing a positive is something we are both ready for, but jitters and nerves still accompany the excitement. Our whole lives could be changing in 8 months. 

We shall see.

Bring on spring

This winter has been ROUGH… as in, it’s the winter that never ends (it just goes on and on my friends… you’re welcome for that). 

BRING ON THE SPRING SHOWERS – MAY FLOWERS… all that jazz. 

I need to hike, to golf, to swim. 

Thankfully we kept busy. 

Brian and his Dad’s handiwork in the basement:

I should really hire these two out, they did awesome on our built-ins in the basement! 

Meet our newest fur-monster:

Meet Bay. After our last adoption-fail, we decided to try again. We hesitated, researched rescues and breeds… did our best to prepare to bring home Anchor’s perfect match. And boy, did we find him! Bay was originally named Patches and was an “owner surrender” in Texas. Apparently the area he was surrendered in is notorious for drop offs due to low funds, health issue and is poverty stricken. When “Patches” met one of the volunteers at the high kill shelter he was abandoned in, she fell in love. He was also heartworm positive, which in a high kill shelter means you’re the first to go. She had ties with Operation Pets for Homes, located in Virginia, and contacted the owner. OPH then pulled “Patches”, renaming him “Picasso”, and flew him to South Carolina where he began his commute to his foster home in Virginia. In my search I ran across this sweet face staring back at me:

I immediately sent him to Brian who responded “isn’t that a goofy looking dog?” with a link to a DIFFERENT dog. Apparently it wasn’t love at first site for us all. 

I applied, didn’t hear (it was Christmas time) for 2 days, and started calling & e-mailing people. Patience is not my virtue. Finally I heard back and everything the foster had to say was everything we wanted to hear. He is 5, a little smaller than Anchor, and cuddly. SOLD! 

After a few days we received approval of our application and set up a meet and greet with the two dogs. We loaded up Anchor for the 2 hours south to meet her potential brother. Due to his heartworm treatment he was required to be kept calm. They went on a short walk together, played a little and I snuck in some serious cuddles. Brian admitted he is much cuter in person. We then had to wait an additional 3 weeks before we could bring him home. I ordered all the goodies I thought he may need, and some he didn’t, and waited the 3 weeks required. Finally!!! It was time for his freedom ride. We sat in the back of Brian’s truck for two hours and he hardly moved. He just wanted to be held. And I did just that. We had 4 more weeks of “down time”, where the interaction between him and Anchor was limited.. but I believe it helped the transition go much smoother. He is now 100% cleared of heartworm and is Anchor and our favorite playmate and cuddly buddy… we are still working on the cat. 

We hosted another successful New Year's Eve party:

And now patio plans going into place:

We kept busy. And man, does it help. But now that I can hear spring knocking on the door, but still feeling the brisk winds of winter, I am over it. I want to get this patio kicked into gear and start enjoying it some. 

My vision… reds, blues, purples, yellows… flowers (lots and lots of flowers), pergola, fire pit, hammock… lemonade… edision lights and farmhouse tables all swirled into one 600 sq. ft. piece of paradise. 

All in all this winter, while long, was pretty awesome. I am ready to bid it farewell, but am grateful for all of the awesome things we’ve experienced in the artic months!

Knowing when you deserve an apology

The house I grew up in wasn't exactly known for apologizing. We would have big blow ups... real knockdown, drag out fights and simply sweep them under the rug... never to talk them out, resolve them or make amends. So the next fight was always bigger and more hate fueled because we carried the resentment of the past fights with us into the next. It was a vicious cycle, one that haunts our family to this day. I know someone notorious for doing and saying hurtful things, yet they were never held accountable for it - "that's just how he is..", we were told. Well I think you are able to change who you are when you care about someone or want to make things right. When you're wrong, and you really know you're wrong, why not apologize? Either:

   -    You don't care that it hurt the person and lack remorse
   -    Fear of rehashing the argument
   -    You truly stand by what you've said 
   -    Pride

When you allow time to pass without coming to a resolve, the damage only deepens. I wouldn't want an apology that was forced. I need to know they genuinely feel remorse for the hurt they've caused. 

Just as you would expect an apology, you have to know how to accept one... learn from it, and move on. Carrying the weight of unforgiven issues will only haunt you and make it impossible for growth in the relationship. I have, for too long, tried to give forgiveness to those who have no asked for it. If they are unwilling to put forth the effort to make it right, you will never feel closure on the issue. I feel that I am worth the apology. 

I am a work in progress, I am learning to not only apologize when I feel I am wrong, or when I can see I've hurt someone (weather intentional or not), but to also not sweep things under the rug. Know my worth. And know that relationships are disposable, even the longest. If a relationship is no longer bringing good in, it's time to let go. If someone feels the need to say hurtful things, but do not feel the need to apologize, they are making a choice. Be aware of that, it is a choice to not apologize when you’ve been made aware you’ve done damage. 

The home I am building with my husband is quite the opposite. We talk everything out, sometimes to a fault. We apologize for hurt feelings, and heal from the issue, and try to not make the same mistake twice. Taking mental note of what we did wrong and how we can improve. I believe it’s true that history has a tendency to repeat itself, but you are in control of your destiny… and in my future I intend to re-write my wrongs and bad habits to create the strongest “us” we can be.